I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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