bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
