i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
