I puked a lego.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
