thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
