the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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