a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
May the power of my ass compel you!!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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