Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize