please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.