My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
