You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
