Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
