The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
