the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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