My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
