I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
