Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
