just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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