So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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