omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
