So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
