I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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