my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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