I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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