I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the day after is always just damage control
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
