hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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