the condom got lost in my hair
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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