i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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