we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
