everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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