I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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