if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
