But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
