She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
