A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
