you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
