dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
