Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Two words: blizzard sex
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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