How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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