what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
