So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
