So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
