Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It was confusing and full of hummus
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
