after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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