dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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