How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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