Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
