I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
