I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
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