So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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