Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
