Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
