a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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