You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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