just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
