wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
