I met the friendliest cop last night
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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