she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
