True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
