Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
whose parrot is this?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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