We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
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when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
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I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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